I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
