yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
