Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
