I hope mine doesn't look like that
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize