Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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