you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
