I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize