The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I love you.
Bad choice
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
