its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
