Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
