you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
