Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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