How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
