Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
