do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
