I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
