i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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