Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
