She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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