I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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