I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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