Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
