She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
