I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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