I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
