i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize