he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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