Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
