Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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