im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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