do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
