She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize