Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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