its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
