What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
