You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
