HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
