So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can text with my tongue
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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