if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
