I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
