I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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