your parents love me but you hate me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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