I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
