I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
