It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize