Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
