fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
