Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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