thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
