I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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