Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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