This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
