do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
