Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
