Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
