Who did Billy Mays play for?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize
