So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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