got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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