My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
