I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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