dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
