On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
it was like his penis was on wheels.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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