im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
