The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
