Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
