is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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