Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
