a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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