Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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