Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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