This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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