I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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