birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
