That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize