garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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