I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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