I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize