I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
