Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
