Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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