Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
