I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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