If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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