some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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