The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
