We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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