I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize