Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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