I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
