oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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