Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Panties = found
Randomize
