omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
