the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
